Written by Faroukh Shonubi.
You are Neurotic
In simpler terms, you are a worrier. In a gathering, you are most likely to be by yourself, lost in your own thoughts, thinking of what you could have said or done last year, to change your whole situation. You worry about the past, now and future. You probably look at others and try to figure out how they still manage to smile. You want to stop thinking, but just don’t know how to. When you worry constantly, you continue to complicate issues, and still have no solution. Then it becomes an addiction, next thing you know, you begin to question people’s thoughts, their responses and then you being to question your own sanity. You must have heard the saying “worry is useless,” although, it is not entirely useless, as it can be okay to worry over issues. It shows that you are a considerate individual, and are willing to proffer solutions. But have to learn to let go and relax sometimes. Obsessively worrying can lead to depression.
You are a Perfectionist
You see that one crinkle in your cloth while ironing and it irks you so much, till you straighten it out. That one stain on the plate just ticks you off so much you can’t ignore it. You immediately fall out of place if something doesn’t go as planned. You are probably a (DIY) do it yourself kind of person, your touch makes it perfect. You love order so much, that, a second of chaos can leave you distressed. You can sometimes be too hard on yourself, even over trivial matters. While it can be of good advantage to be pedantic, it can lead to a lot of disappointments, because you continue to raise your expectations of things from people, food, environment and your lifestyle.
Negative patterns of thinking, most times is behind most people’s depression. You find it hard to be optimistic. Immediately a target is set, you instantly think about a million ways it can go wrong. May be you have a good idea, and just as it pops up, you immediately start to think, ‘no one would buy this,’ ‘it is not good enough.’ Can you see link? You are neurotic, perfectionist and maybe pessimistic? Life is riddled with uncertainty and approaching life with such mind frame is not only damaging to the psyche but overall well being. You have to learn to change your line of thought. You can start by reaffirming yourself of how much you need to be positive immediately a negative thought crops up. Try meditating, take time to be alone and try to calm your racing thoughts.
You may be under pressure from work, school or from trying to match up with expectations from friends and family. Maybe you are finding it hard juggling work, social and family life. The pressure from all of that can leave one feeling lethargic and dispirited. Here is what you can do. Form a routine and make a habit of following whatever routine you set for yourself. As humans we perform optimally when we set a target of what to do, you can go as far as setting a target for even the next minute and make sure to see it through. Managing stressors properly can prevent a lot of mental chatter.
When it comes to making and taking decisions, you are always pussyfooting. You may be afraid or myopic towards taking that bold step. Every minute of our lives requires that we take action, from waking, bathing, doing chores, up till the stage where we make important live decisions. Being indecisive would make you procrastinate a lot, and that could live you feeling unfulfilled. This could make it harder to get that monkey of your back.
Our minds works in ways that wish everything happens in a flick. We can be too eager over situations at times that, when it takes longer than usual to materialize, it breaks us down. You have to first understand that everything follows a process. You didn’t start speaking in a day. It took you several years to become an adult. Everything happens in stages. Snap out of the illusion that things ought to happen as quickly as you want. The universe doesn’t follow your will, and you have no power over how events turn out, you only have control over how it affects you. It is said that good things takes time. Being patient helps you cope with uncertainty better.
Are you the kind that is easily offended, feel emotions deeply, feel uncomfortable in large crowds, and quick to assume they are being judged? Then you may be highly sensitive. For highly sensitive persons, handling depression is more delicate, especially with someone who has suffered a trauma. Repressed thoughts of the trauma could bring about grief for the individual. Know that it is okay to let it out, grieving is expected, it lets you heal. Also ensure that you get to the root of the trauma, know what is causing your pain. It is as simple as asking ‘why am I sad?’ or ‘how did I get here?’ Else, you would continuously grieve and forget to heal.
Sometimes, it’s the picture of how perfect it should be, where we should be, that causes us pain. As humans, we are target driven and fill satisfied only when our long held dreams are accomplished. But sometimes, we have and hold very unrealistic expectations and make ourselves gloomy. For example, wanting to own the latest Lamborghini Murciélago, and your income cannot even afford a scooter. Then you begin sulking over your inability to buy the Lamborghini. You want to cut your coat according to your size and stop longing for things beyond your reach. Just try to appreciate the little things, and remain content with what you have.
You may not be spiritually inclined, given that you are tired of waiting to be rescued by a deity in that dire period of hurt. But a belief in a supreme being can be the saving grace in this kind of period. Each individual operates on different belief systems. I daresay we are nothing without some form of belief. Some find succour in believing a supreme being in times of need, and psychologically it has been proven to be a very useful coping mechanism in dealing with depression. Reconnect with your spiritual side, spark that fire, pray and be animated again.
Overtime you may have conditioned yourself to be averse to things that make you happy. This could be as a result of not wanting to face rejection or disappointment again. So you have adapted well to that murky lifestyle and accepted the dismal state as the status quo. Therefore, you don’t expect anything to cheer you up. As a matter of fact, you are petrified of being happy. Make conscious effort to change your pattern of thinking. If possible change the environment you live in and the activities that you do. Also try as much as possible to reminisce the good times and reflect on it, remember you weren’t always like this. This will help adjust that unhealthy mind frame and help imbibe positive thoughts.
It is also advisable to seek medical help while dealing with depression. You may consider seeing a psychologist and attend therapy sessions. Cognitive behavioral therapy CBT also is a good treatment for depression. Never feel ashamed to seek help. You deserve all the happiness in the world.