A continuation from part 1 …
Part 2 : Lessons learned and some Girl Talk
So this is for all of you ladies who happened to be a victim of sexual cyber bully. Here are some pieces of advice I could give to you:
It is your own personal choice to have fun with anyone of your liking, but make sure you feel safe and comfortable.
What is safe?
Safe is when you know that it remains discreet.
To know that your safety is not jeopardized by any action from and by your partner.
If you feel even a slight discomfort, then please LEAVE.
Know that you have every right to feel safe and to know that you are safe.
Do not risk your life just for a moment of fun. No compromise.
In my opinion, only weirdos record (I should have known from the signs). You have fun ‘cuz you wanna have fun. So just enjoy the moment.
If you know he wants to record you or take photos of you in the moment, then please consider these questions;
Are you okay with it?
Do you feel safe if he does it?
What is the purpose of him recording?
Do you consent to it?
To be honest, this is super important. This is about your safety. You could be spending the rest of your life fearing that other people might recognize you should the content get leaked all over the internet.
I know some people do not enjoy wearing protection while having fun, but please do. STDs and STIs are a common thing now. Plus, you never know if the other person is having multiple partners. However, if you are cool with it, then to each their own.
DO YOUR RESEARCH!
If it is an ONS with a guy you met in a bar, then this advice might not apply.
However, if you happened to have a sufficient amount of time to get to know him, then I suggest you do some research on him. Things like his real name, where he lives, his workplace, his NRIC (if you can). You never know when these info might come in handy.
Now, what happens if you get stuck in a situation like mine?
I’m thankful to have a super great friend who did not judge me after everything that had happened. But girls, do get help. From the police, if you can. However, if you feel shy or embarrassed, worry not. Remember that you are not alone. Just talk to someone you trust and figure things out. Two brains (or more) are better than one.
Well, in my case, even though he did take it down, those images are still lingering around the net. What I did was I requested for removal of outdated content from Google to help me remove all the caches. It helped. At least… for now.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE!
What happened was simply a silly mistake on my part. I let him do it. But chin up. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while.
Oh, and be vigilant, girls. He might do it again. So make sure once in a while to look on the net to see if the contents are still available for viewing.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TOO!
You have every right to your body. You have the right to not consent to any act that could jeopardize you and your safety.
If necessary, take legal action against him.
Remember that it is never okay for the guy to distribute the photos without you consenting to it.
Seriously, move on. Guys like that do not deserve you. He is simply a sexual predator, preying on innocent girls.
He did not even apologize?
Move on. Sometimes, you do not get an apology or the goodbye you deserved, simply because he is an asshole.
KICK HIS BALLS THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE HIM!
If you ever happen to see him again in the future, then go ahead and kick him in the balls. He deserves it. No apologies.
So to all the girls out there who are fighting a battle similar to mine, you are not alone. Please remember that even though it is not completely your fault, you still have a right to your dignity and life. Never let trash bring you down.
Sexual predators might come in many different forms and sizes, but above all, just trust your instinct. Be very careful of who you associate yourself with.