Written and submitted by Natasha Christopher.
I was going through article after article on chivalry and most, if not all topics suggest what A MAN can do to ensure that women think it’s not dead. To be fired up and not voice my opinion regarding this matter is an understatement. Using my platform here as a writer, it’s solely my right to let you know how I feel about this, and hopefully come to an understanding together. Even if you have different views on this, I won’t turn down opinions but rather, will have respect for those who have their own say. I personally feel that most women nowadays need to step up their “make the first move” game.
There is a certain amount of ladies I’ve come across who expect ONLY the man to make the first move and if they don’t, they seem like a coward. In my opinion, not everyone can be as confident as they like, especially if they think you’re an attractive girl. To be honest, when I was a teenager, I always had this thought: that a man needs to come up to me first. As time went by, I learned that since we are living in the 21st century, chivalry needs to apply both men and women. Equally.
A few of my guy friends agree that they find it attractive when a girl starts a conversation with them, and some even say that’s a major turn on.
When it comes to myself, I love to compliment a man even if I don’t know him. Well, why not? If a man can have the courage to compliment a girl with the risk of getting rejected, why don’t I put in the same amount of effort as them? Besides, it’s not really flirting when you’re just telling them the truth. A simple “thank you” will do. Simple gestures like holding the door for people, and sending messages to your date hoping that they get back home safely goes a long way – for both parties.
My friends know me as the type of person to tell a guy in a straightforward manner that they are good looking. Most of the time, they’ll look shocked, or start blushing … sometimes, even feel intimidated by me. The reason why most males are reacting like this is because they are not accustomed to girls approaching them. Men need to feel like it’s normal if a girl comes up to them first, instead of thinking that said action is bruising their ego.
The amount of s**t I’ve been hearing from girls about how “men are so scared to make the first move, and they don’t do this that…etc” …. Well for starters, how about the girls starting first? After all, many of us are fighting for women’s equality. Why not be the change for once? You’ll never know how it’ll reward you. Some girls are even upset a guy didn’t text or talk to them and so they gave up hopes of romance. Sounds pretty unfair now, don’t you think? If you want romance to happen first, you’ve got to take it by its hand and just do it. You sit down and shake your legs, obviously ain’t nothing gonna happen. This may be hard to digest but it needs to be said.
The same goes for online dating apps. According to a new survey by dating site OkCupid, women who make the first move increase their chances of dating more attractive men. The study found that when a woman contacts a man first, 30 per cent of those messages turn into a conversation. Women are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men when they initiate contact.
Of course, if a man wants to approach you first, there is certainly nothing wrong with that. My point is the fact that the perception of how only a man needs to do all the work needs to be scraped off. It’s going to be an everlasting cycle of pressuring guys when we as women can step up first.
Be that as it may, I’ve always believed men should be given more credit when it comes to tackling a person they like. When I started adapting to how much of effort they put in… Wow. It was never an easy thing for me but I’m glad I stepped up because I feel empowered – I felt like I can do what my heart set out to do.
Hope this piece inspires you to be the change and for some, a reminder to practice what they preach. Peace!