Written and submitted by Erica W.
There are certain times in our decade-old friendship that I think about why I should stop being friends with you. Start ghosting you. Just completely cut you out of my life.
Don’t get me wrong; I am a completely tolerant, patient, understanding person and I would always, always believe in the good rather than the bad always – even if it’s at the cost of my own sanity and happiness.
But lately I feel like you are really pushing it. Yeah, we’ve been ‘bae’ for the longest times. We’ve been closer than family during the earlier years of our friendship but sometimes I think, and I am afraid, that our time’s up.
I mean, it’s not without reason. And I’m going to get seriously into details. That’s how bad it is. That I have been thinking about it for so long, that I managed to come up with solid reasons as to why I wonder why we’re still friends, heh!
Those of you reading this, if you know someone who checks off every single thing on this list … you know what that means. Time for some serious friendship reevaluations.
Here are the reasons.
I’m there for you more than you’re there for me.
Relationships, and friendships – they’re both a two-way street. It will die if only one person is making the effort. Simple as that. But you know what? If you could count the times you were there for me when I truly needed someone, during those emotionally-fragile times, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to surpass the amount I have always, unconditionally, persistently been there for you whenever you needed me. Trust me. I’ve forgiven it the first few times but lately, as I go through the many aspects of my life, ones that I seriously need to reconsider, you’re one of top ones on the list.
You’re “too busy” for me.
Yes, this is indeed a thing. I didn’t want to be that person who said, “Yo, we should hang soon ok! Meet up soon ok!” and then not follow through. I hated being that person who said that just for the sake of saying that. But alas, you were that person.
You prefer impressing other people and care about your status rather than investing in a genuine friendship.
This really blows me away. I didn’t think this was a thing. I thought that this just happened in movies. But I guess, you were that person too. I spoke to another mutual friend of ours just last week, and well, she noticed that she had a friend who was guilty of this too. Cared too much about what others thought about her, about what she looked like to others, about what other people spoke about her. You’re like that too, I noticed. You care too much about spending time with ‘the cool bunch’ rather than the bunch you knew were always going to be there for you no matter what. You’d hang out with them, and tell me about how shitty it feels to hang out with them, and how much you want to go home and yet, week after week, you’re with them too. What’s worse is when you make plans with them first. I’m not being bitter – or maybe I am – but maybe it’s high time I treat you the same way.
I’m always your plus one, but you are never my plus one.
Again, this ties back to being prioritised. Whenever something cool shows up in town, or if there’s anything I’d want to go to, I think of you first. Because you are my best friend (?) or so I thought. But if you were in a similar situation, you wouldn’t do as I would.
The gifts you give are, frankly, generic.
This may seem overly materialistic, but sometimes, actions speak louder than words, no? So this is another way I notice these little things. The gifts you give me scream, “I actually don’t give THAT much of a fuck about you but I hope this seems like it.” I didn’t want to be a bitch about it so many times before, but I feel like as we progress in life, it becomes clearer and clearer. You don’t bother putting an effort into something you gift me, the way that I clearly think about your life, your interests, etc whenever I get something for you. But if it is about money, fine. I’m broke, you’re broke, we’re all broke. But things needn’t be expensive. You could make me something, or get me something that’s different from what you’d gift someone you’ve only met once or twice. That shit hurts.
You don’t seem to add value to my life.
Going back to a conversation with our mutual friend: we were talking about how the people in our lives are there to add value to your life. Then it got me thinking: what value do you add to my life? Sometimes, I dread talking to you or making plans with you because it’s always about what you want to do, where you want to go, or it’s about fulfilling some sort of agenda in your day. You don’t add to my happiness, but sometimes I feel like you suck most of it. That’s mean but I guess, it is what it is. You don’t push me to be stronger, and if anything, you seem to drag me down to your level of dissatisfaction at life. If we were to get meaner, your negative vibe is seriously killing mine when all I want to do is get better, happier and stronger. But most times you feel like a thorn in my side.
You’re more of wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
I realise that you have this pattern. Whenever you’re feeling low, you come to me. You vent, you release. You feel better. You come out stronger, more confident and ready to take on the world. And then you ditch me. You almost always disappear from my life completely. Until the next time someone brings you down, and you need me again. That’s who you are.
I’m pretty sure, that if I were in the middle of some emergency, you’d be the first to say no.
It’s downright cruel, for me and for you. But it is the truth. And I guess, this is the reason why I’m even listing down this entire article. It started with that thought in my head. The thing is, even if I was in said emergency, what’s funny is I wouldn’t even think of you to save my butt. And that’s saying something, no?
Honestly, I may be getting way in over my head regarding this, and most of my (other) friends have told me, even dissected for me more questions to think about when reevaluating my friendship with you. And honestly, they’re not really looking so good – on your end. I would love to give you another chance. I really do. But I’ve given you so many, that it seems like we’re doing this for shits and giggles, and like it’s an annual checklist we need to tick off. But I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of being the one holding the fort of an already (dead) friendship.
Maybe, starting from next year, it wouldn’t be that way anymore. We’ll see.