Letters To My Younger Self

Written and submitted by Moldova Cake.


 

Dear me,

You might be wondering how I managed to violate the time-space continuum to send you this letter.
Here are 10 invaluable lessons I’ve learnt the hard way, over the past 15 years.

● Everyone’s An Idiot … So Apply Context

Remember the day you realized that your all-knowing parents/grandparents aren’t actually all that clever the older you become? Now apply that across the board to almost everyone you meet.

To make things worse, all of these idiots believe they are correct & are more than keen to dispense their wisdom. What’s missing however, is the context or experience which these wisdom originated from.

Simple example:
If I told you: “The secret to pleasuring a woman in bed, is to give her plenty of oral beforehand.”

With that said, it also means you’re not as clever as you’d think.

● Sexuality Is Fluid

Media & people in general have taken it upon themselves to paint sex as something shameful, sinful and even a manifestation of perversion.

How so?

Sex should only be between two consenting, committed (to each other) adults.

Guys want sex all the time, women don’t.

Fetishes are shameful (look at all those serial killers on the telly!)

The use of the term “making love” instead.

So what are we left with?

Sex should only be between married couples and it should be as vanilla as they come. (How else do you explain 30 Sheds of Gray having an appeal at all?).

I can confidently say, there are more people with fetishes than there are people
without. You’ll also realize that your fetishes are actually quite ‘tame’ compared to most, and shouldn’t be a shameful topic.

Sex is & should be fluid. Experiment, express, enjoy. As long as it is within reason,
keeping yourself safe, and all parties be upfront and open with each other – don’t force yourself into an unhappy corner just because of other people’s hangups.

(PS: Writer Dan Savage once talked about the G.G.G. concept – of Good, Giving & Game. I’d highly recommend you read up on it.)

● You Don’t Know Relationships

Relationships are not binary. Man x Woman x Non-Binary, go crazy.

More importantly to me is: the idea “the one” is pretty messed up. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ partner, it’s what you make of it. (Let’s face it, you’re nowhere close to perfect either.)

Don’t be afraid to try and fail, than locking yourself up in a relationship which you’re miserable in.

Start by discovering yourself & being honest with who you are. It is from there that you can start learning about what truly matters in a partner(s) that you seek.

For example, which of these few are factors that truly matter in a partner?
(Disclaimer: these are REAL examples of things i’ve heard people want in their partner)

+ “I want my partner to treat me like a princess”
+ “I want him to open doors for me”
+ “I want him to be assertive and take the lead, yet let me decide what i want”
+ “I want her be loyal only to me, but also let me find other partners”
+ “I want her to give up her career and be a housewife, but my money should be
my money”

How much of the above are deal-breakers for you?
How many of the above can be learnt & taught?
Which few of the above you’d think will still be relevant 3 years down the road?

● Be Kind

Question: how many times does your waiter get to screw up your order before you raise your voice, roll your eyes and complain about how useless people these days are? Sounds familiar? I’ve dined with many folks (men & women) who present themselves as easy-going, kind folks yet lose their temper at the smallest matters when it comes to dining or leisure activities.

So if you’re one of them, ask yourself: why is that your reaction? Why do you feel your dining experience is ruined just because the wait staff messed up or forgot your order?

What if I told you that the numerous possibilities you’re getting bad service includes:
● The manager is forcing said staff to send out the wrong order
● There’s a massive shorthand on that day in terms of wait staff
● The waiter doesn’t understand your language because he’s new and the
management hasn’t really bothered to train

All a sudden, you giving attitude to the wait staff seems like misdirected anger, no?

● Be Financially Savvy … Everyone Is Broke

We all have friends who seems to be able to afford a swanky apartment or a fancy
overseas trip every other month, who drive an expensive car or drops thousands in clubs.

Let me ask you, how many of those experiences are from the same 1 friend? Or are you secretly combining all the different experiences from different friends and applying it all to yourself?

Now before you start being a slave to social media & putting excessive amounts of pressure on your financial status, ask these friends how are they managing their finances. Ask them how much are they saving.

Some common answers I’ve got:
● Parents paid a huge down-payment for the house, thus monthly installments are lower.
● Parents are paying for the car.
● No savings at all. Wiped clean each month, with no emergency funds.
● My hobby can make money down the road, that’s why I invest now.

Figure out a financial strategy that works for you. Figure out your risk appetite. Don’t only trust ‘financial advisors’, ‘wealth planners’ or ‘unit trust managers’. Learn from them, learn about the market but don’t rely solely on them.

Oh, and pay yourself (savings etc) before you pay others (expenses, mortgage), and be patient.

● Music & Movies & Entertainment is Shit

Don’t be that asshole who judges other people for enjoying ‘mainstream’ entertainment. (Well, unless you’re planning to make it a creative outlet – then sure, go ahead.)

So what if there future you can sing Bieber’s Baby by Heart? Does that make them a lesser human being? So what if the editor listens exclusively to 80s pimp music? She’s crazy like that.

Remember, things are memorable because of context. Some people like the beat, some people like the lyrics, some people like the memories that are associated, and some people like how they make them feel.

With that said, Star Wars: The Last Jedi is trash and you know it.

● You’re Not Special… To Everyone

Hard fact: You’re not special. You probably won’t be.

That said, you will be special to some people whom you’ve brought meaningful impact to their lives.

● You’ll Never Be Happy (If You Don’t Fix the Inside)

We hear a lot of people express that if they had (X), then they will be happy.

For example:
+ If I was rich, I’ll be happy
+ If I had a better partner, I’ll be happy
+ If I had a higher paying job, I’ll be happy
+ If I can travel each year to Europe, I’ll be happy

Sounds familiar?

Time passes, you get promoted, you find a ‘better’ partner, you’ve been to Italy. Do you think you’re happy?

Probably not. You’ll just find other things to be unhappy about.

Why? It’s because you aren’t addressing the real reason of you being unhappy.

Unconvinced? Let me flip the narrative a bit:

+ If I was rich, I’ll be happy
How rich is rich?
Will you agonize over spending much money on things which you end up not using then having a buyer’s remorse? Will you question all your relationships? Will your family start hitting you up for cash?

+ If I had a higher paying job, I’ll be happy
Is it for a role you deserve or want? Do you have to worry about being an impostor? Do you have to spend more time dealing with management? Do you have to worry about people stabbing you in the solar plexus?

+ If i can travel each year to Europe, I’ll be happy
Do you look forward to the 12+ hours on flight? Is it a trip you might end up feeling more alone on? Do you worry about if the money can be better invested elsewhere?

First figure out what is ‘happiness’ to you. Then figure out the rest.

Also, the winning numbers for tomorrow’s 4D is 9394. You’re welcome.


 

Check out other posts by this writer here. And don’t forget to subscribe!

Tagged with: