Being Friendzoned Taught Me To Be Stronger

Written and submitted by Amanda N.C.


The first time I saw his face was on my friend’s Instagram account, I was like wow, who is this dude? I proceeded to ask my friend this one question that needed to be answered:

“Is he single?”

My heart was beating so hard to the sound of excitement, yet I was curious. How is a guy as handsome as he is, single? From my experience, most, if not all good looking guys are either taken or just a fuckboy – there’s no in between.

I just left it as it is because I didn’t want to get my hopes up, or find anyone to be with at that time. I just wanted to be friends with someone before taking the next step. As time went by, the moment came for me to meet him as the friends I was hanging out with happened to be seeing him.

To be honest, I wasn’t nervous because I told myself whatever it is, we are going to meet in a bar, he might be grinding with some girls or probably be arrogant with me (considering I don’t have that stunning looking face or body that all guys kneel down and worship).

There he was, standing at the entrance of the bar waiting to bring us in. I was actually alright. Didn’t feel nervous but excited because I got to be friends with him. And nah, he wasn’t as good looking in the picture, whoops! But still very handsome.

He greeted two of my friends first with a hug but since I just met him for the first time, I went in for a shake of the hand but before I could do that, he offered me a hug. Stunned, I hugged him back and I just brushed it off thinking he is friendly and perhaps, tipsy. As we went to his table, I was having a good time talking to him and his friends. Of course, I couldn’t let it go and had to tell him how handsome he was. He blushed and pat my head. Gosh, then my heart raced because of his smile. DAMMIT!

I still wasn’t hoping for anything with him.

I sincerely just wanted to get to know him and just be friends. I couldn’t go through another heartbreak just because I jumped into something that might force someone else to change their stand in life.

As the days passed, I slowly got to know more about him and the more I knew, I freaked because of the amazing chemistry and 95% similarities we had.

I remember there was this one fashion show party that I invited him to. THE BEST PARTY/COMPANY EVER! I realized he’s such an adaptable guy, loves to hang out with me, laughs at my jokes and just a totally fun dude. I think it was at that point that my attraction towards him started.

I even brought him to his first stand-up comedy, had dinner together and honestly loved each other’s stories. He would randomly reply to my Insta story and obviously, I knew he was simply doing that just to talk to me because when we start talking, God knows when it will end. That was how long we could talk. We had the same interest in music, food, sports, and the best of them all, movies. Gosh, we could talk for hours about the movies we watched and analyse them. I find that very nice; to be able to dissect and talk about a similar interest with someone that’s so fun, and humble. Best of all, he was such an amazing listener! Where can you find anyone like that anymore? I can tell you that I’m an excellent listener too but sometimes the listener wants to be listened as well. That’s what he gave me.

Somehow, it all seemed too good to be true.

Turns out I was right. He was still very good friends with his ex-girlfriend. They were together for about 4 years and just broke up. That’s a red flag there, isn’t it? Somehow, I couldn’t let it get to my head, but I respected his decision to stay friends with his ex. I was just his friend. Period.

I didn’t let it bother me too much but just continued getting to know him better. Of course, my circle of friends knew the chemistry between us and start teasing us although I hated it. It made me feel awkward at the end of the day. His brother even asked me why I wasn’t dating him. I just said indirectly “your brother is amazing and all but I think he needs time to just figure himself out”. Brother obviously took the indirect message and told him that I liked him.

That’s where the story gets sadder.

The following two days, he started getting very distant with me and texted me with one-word answers. That’s where I knew, fuck, I’m about to lose a good friend. One day, he texted me saying he wanted to meet and talk about us. For sure, I knew he was going to friendzone me. So, I cried and got myself prepared for the worst.

The time came and we sat down. He started with small talk just to ease the situation.

Then he proceeded by saying he sucked at this “talk” and told me how he wanted to not be in a serious and committed relationship for now. He even said, “I’ll be very sad if I lose you as a friend because we have a lot of things in common”. I stopped him right there and told him we didn’t need to be awkward because I understood the situation, and where he was coming from and I didn’t want to lose him as a friend too. As we talked and solved our shit together, I felt good and somehow I don’t feel sad UNTIL the next day when it sank in that I just got friend-zoned. By someone irreplaceable and someone I actually saw a future with.

He always made me feel like my stories were the most important thing and he was always there for me. You know the quote “one day you will find a man who makes you realize why the other guys in your past never worked out”? I never really believed in that until he came along. So, there was a lot of sadness and anger in me because of how oblivious he was that the girl for him probably was just me. Or I’m just stupid. I guess I understood where he is coming from.

So we remained friends – closer actually. Of course, I still was trying to forget him that time. We even talked to each other about the person we’re going out with and who I liked. It was all totally cool until one fine day, he changed my perspective on friendship and fucked up my 2018.

This is where the story gets worse.

It was January 2018, there was a birthday party for him in a house. So, our friends were all there including one of my childhood, closest lady friends. My close friend knew how much I liked him and how I wanted to forget him at that point. Honestly, I told myself that I wanted to make this day the last day that I was going to be hanging so much with him because let’s be honest, I had to let go of my feelings and just do my thing.

Anyways, coming back to the story, everyone was having fun and dancing including myself. After I went out to get some fresh air, I came back into the house, sat at the corner of the room and when I looked up to the dance floor, my insecurities started clouding in and my heart could have broken any second.

I saw my close friend and him being all touchy with each other while dancing. What I could feel at that moment was a glass being on the edge of a table and if anyone happens to move it, it might just shatter into millions of pieces. That’s how my heart felt at that time.

My friend who saw I was upset kept an eye out for me in case they kissed each other because if they do, you could have probably seen my bruised eyes the next day, as a result of crying so much.

Fortunately, according to my friend, she didn’t see them kissing. I just brushed it off.

Unfortunately, two weeks later, he texted me saying that they actually kissed and he was sorry for all the things he did and was actually trying to go for her. Oh, you have no idea how much pain, sadness and disbelief I was in. I was so fucking hurt: how could my friend just betray me, and the guy I like like my close friend more? You would think all that similarity and chemistry would make him feel the same way as I did, but no, he just scrapped it all off and tried pursuing a girl he has nothing in common with.

Whatever happened to having a connection with someone or even obeying girl code?

My heart broke mainly from being betrayed by one of my closest friends. All I ever did was support, and be there in any matter as a friend and this is how I got repaid. Funny isn’t it? The kinder you are, the more people step on you.

After speaking to him and solving all my issue with both of them, I have learned to forgive them and forgive myself in the process. I always believe that in order for you to love yourself, you need to forgive yourself regardless of whether you are the victim or not. Being the bigger person and walking away from things that don’t go well to me is something I’ve learned through this process.

Though my lady friend and I are on good terms now (not as close as last time), he and I are close just like the last time. I am just very blessed to have him by my side, as a friend. No matter what, I’ve gained so much self-respect for myself and I felt empowered by this experience. I am happy with how things are between us because things happened for a reason.

But sometimes, I can’t help but wonder… is he is the one that got away?

The girl who got fooled and outfooled life

Hey, wanna give these a read?

What Being A Habitual Side Piece Taught Me About Relationships

Bros Shouldn’t Come Before Her

Cringeworthy Malaysian F*ckboy Experiences 

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