Inspired by a reader.
2 weeks back, an article entitled “10 Things People Say That Don’t Actually Help“. For context, I strongly advise that you read that first. Again, let me just link it here just in case you missed the hint to read it for the third time.
OK, welcome back. Now that’s out of the way, let’s discuss it.
Three things came out of that article; one being that a lot of people admitted to being guilty as charged for using these lazy excuses to comfort their loved ones. Another, was the impending question of, “So, if none of these work, what the hell do I say?” Last but not least, it also inspired a response to said article, which will follow shortly …
… but let me just tell you now, that in order to use these very helpful phrases, you need to have a) a shitload of money, b) some massaging techniques and c) errr, more money and perhaps some time to, uh … you’ll find out. I’m too shy to write it here.
So, what really works? Here are some ideas:
1. Take my money.
Pretty direct, because who wouldn’t love being given money with no conditions? I guarantee you that that would perk your friend right up.
2. Here’s some cash.
More money! Because why not! How about some money on top of that money? Basically be like DJ Khaled.
3. No need to pay me back.
Why would you even think about asking your very upset friend to pay you back?! The last things on their mind would be debts and owing people. You’re supposed to be comforting them, not adding to the anxiety. So go on, let them take all that cash and don’t even think about asking them to pay back.
4. Let me buy dinner.
Whoever says money can’t buy happiness clearly doesn’t know how to spend it. Take your depressed friend out for some KFC, and get the bill. Or La Juiceria or whatever that is in at the moment. Point is, you’re feeding them and by extension, cheering them up by keeping their tummies full and grabbing the bill.
5. Drinks on me.
After dinner, ask them out for some drinks. If they don’t drink alcohol, make them do it because they’re not paying. You are.
I’m joking. You must not, in any circumstance, force someone to down alcohol. Unless it’s their birthday. But in all seriousness, take them out for drinks anyway so they can enjoy the music with you. You can drink, and they can have like … Coke, or whatever. Orange juice? That’s about RM11, though. For juice. But hey, whatever makes them happy, right?
6. Where do you wanna go for a holiday?
Nothing rejuvenates like some time off from reality. ALL PAID FOR!
7. It’s not your birthday, but I wanted to surprise you…
Just don’t surprise them like this scene.
With a dog? A cat? A diamond ring? Whichever rocks their socks! Surprises come in many form, and plus, all jokes aside, it’s a great way to cheer someone up.
8. Let me help you get that.
Although this is kind of vague, we can assume that your friend is carrying a lot of bags (full of worries) so naturally you should help with that. On the other spectrum, they’re probably doing a lot of retail therapy and they are just about to pay … and then you stop their hand and say those sweet sweet words, “Let me help you with that”. Gosh, what do you do for a living?
9. How about a massage?
Mmhmm, she knows what’s up.
Because your friend is so upset and tense and sad, naturally, their muscles would all be locked and they’re probably starting to develop that ache around their shoulders, or head or in some rare cases, a whole body ache. See what stress does to people? However, there is nothing a massage cannot fix – and you are the best volunteer. The acceptable form of massages between friends are just around the shoulders… but hey, we’re not speaking on behalf of friends with benefits.
10. Netflix and chill?
Mmhmm, he too knows what’s up.
This works 10/10, especially for those of you who are upset. Come on. Don’t even try to – what, you don’t have Netflix? Don’t worry, your loaded friend will take care of that. What’s your other excuse? That ‘Netflix and chill’ doesn’t get you in the mood, and you don’t think it’ll help – what’s that? That doesn’t help with your mood? LIAR. Here’s proof.
Now that’s all out of the way, I hope you feel better. And have fun *wink wink*
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Photo courtesy of Pixabay.