Hey! How are you? Long time no see. Looks like you’ve put on weight! You’ve been eating a lot of rice and processed food, eh? HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Come on, slap me. I know you want to. I wouldn’t even blame you. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard that comment one time or another, or all the time (like in my case). Just goes to show how often people (Malaysians) jump to that most, if not all, the time to fill conversations. Newsflash, saudara saudari, you don’t have to say something like that. You need to stop. Right now. You know the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Now’s a good time to apply it. Yes, even if it means standing there staring at the other party awkwardly. That’s much better than:
1. Commenting on their weight
If I had a dollar for each time I hear this whenever I bump into someone, or each time my friends tell me they’ve bumped into someone, I’d be a very fat billionaire. Because hey, if I get those comments all the damned time I must be at least 1,000kg right about now – and rich. But I digress. The point is, stop telling people they’ve put on weight. Or lost weight. Tell them how ‘well’ they’re looking, or ‘healthy’, or ‘happy’, or ‘good’. There are many fine adjectives to use, like these ones. Yes, even telling someone “You look illuminated” is better than downright saying they ate too much these past few weeks.
A fine example of how you can respond to weight comments.
2. Being fanatic
Is it just me or has fanaticism shot off the roof these past few years? This is based on purely observation alone, but I realise people tend to jump straight to religion once matters get out of hand. Notable issues are countless, but the ones that jump straight to mind are when there are Facebook or Twitter arguments.
People just drag religion into everything. So much for being a multicultural/multi-religious country, eh? You can be a total tool to everybody else and be a complete jackass, but once you quote religious excerpts you’re all good to go, you’re reborn and you’re untouchable. Sort of my religion vs your religion. Come on. We’re not kids. I may be generalising, but I’m pretty certain all religions have one message/lesson in common: stop being an arsehole.
3. Involving race in everything
Easily confused with point number 2, it bothers me so when someone goes, “Melayu bodo“, “Cina cibai“, “India keling“. Think of the last time someone told you that they saw a fight somewhere. Your automatic response and thought would probably be, “Oh, I bet that was an Indian”. And then you hear something about someone being a total sleaze, sexually harassing some girl, you immediately think, “Ah, must be a Malay”. Then the Chinese normally get flak for being thrifty. But you know those stories where the storyteller was being very vague about who started the fight and such? Remember the time you interjected this person and asked waspishly, “What race was she/he?” Yeah. You do it. Come on. Oh, and also, stop thinking all dark-skinned foreigners are criminals.
4. Forgetting that Sabah & Sarawak are part of Malaysia
This relates to point number 3 above, wherein race is always involved in every single scuffle. But wait. You’ve got the Malays, the Indians and the Chinese. Where on earth are the Sabahans, and the Sarawakians? The Ibans, the Kadazans, the Muruts? The people who make up the largest states in Malaysia? Even ads these days talk about how, with the powers combined, the Malays, Indians and Chinese become 1Malaysia. Multiracial. And then you get the Sabahans and Sarawakians going, “Um, hello?”
But then again, I suppose it’s understandable. Some, if not most, Malaysians from the Peninsular, still forget that Sabah and Sarawak ARE part of Malaysia. And that the people there don’t live on treehouses, and that they have roads and TVs. That’s another perception that should be stopped.
5. Making ‘bojio’ comments
Look, you weren’t invited.
Get over it. Or what’s worse, you haven’t even spoken to that person for a months and once they post up a picture of them having a good time, or a good meal, you immediately race to type ‘bojio’ (the act of not inviting your friend to go out together). What’s even worse is that you’re on the other side of the planet. Why? What is the point of all that?
6. Leaving dirty trash on the table and/or putting bones on the table
The one thing that differentiates us from the westerners is the act of cleaning up after yourselves. We’ve been pampered in such a way that even fast food chain stores, like KFC or McDonald’s have employed people to pick up after you when it is, indeed, a place where you should scoop up the mess that you made during your meal, and slide it down the trash bin. It isn’t hard. It doesn’t involve clattering cutlery or heavy machinery – it’s mostly wrappers and empty paper cups. It’s common courtesy to clean up and make sure that the next person who walks in has a readily available seat for them to have their own meals. But nooooooooooo! We leave them there like the entitled people that we are. Some even go to the extent of leaving bones OUTSIDE of their plates, ON the table.
WHY?! THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.
WHY?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!!!!!!!!
8. Leaving toilets looking like a scene from the Exorcist
AS YOU MAY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TELL, I AM GETTING PROGRESSIVELY ANGRIER. BUT LEt me try to calm down, before I talk about this point. I bet you can imagine this already without me going into gory details about the splattered poo paints on the wall or the ceiling (how did they get up there?), the wasted toilet roll lining the tiles and muddy footprints on the toilet seat. But I’m going to give you a visual:
Some toilets do look like a scene from the Exorcist, and whenever I encounter such a toilet, I do make the sign of the cross because, well, I’m going to need all the strength just to a) either clean up, or b) wait for the other toilets to be available while I’m thiiiiiiiiiiis close to bursting my bladder.
9. Never staying in line
Especially at LRTs. One problem is forcing your way in when people inside still have not disembarked. The bigger problem is when some idiot breezes their way from the way back, to the front, effectively cutting off the rest of the crowd. Triggered by this, the crowd goes haywire and everyone fights for a place inside the train and then there is no line anymore. What’s happening? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve missed my train and I was the first in line. Magic.
10. Pretending to fall asleep on the train when someone else needs a seat
How often is it that you see an embarrassing scene of a pregnant woman asking for a seat on the train? Or when someone else asks for said pregnant woman? Well, pretty much all the time. The funny (?) part of all this is that the people who sit on the disabled/pregnant/elderly seats are aware of this little crime, and they sometimes, make eye contact with said disabled/pregnant/elderly person and immediately dart their eyes around and pretend to fall asleep.
What a jerk!
Did we miss out anything? Buzz us in the comments to let us know what other habits you think we should stop.
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