It’s a Match! (Or Not) #Tindering101

Online dating has been around for donkey’s years. Among the famous dating platforms available are Wechat, Skout, Badoo, Bigo, Match and many more. And then there’s …

Tinder.

Ever heard of it?

Oh, come on! Stop acting innocent …

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Started off in 2012 in the US, Tinder is a location-based mobile app that allows users to like (swipe right) or dislike (swipe left) other users, and allows users to chat if both parties swiped to the right. The app is used as a dating app or hookup app depending on the user’s individual preferences.

That being said, Tinder is also famously known for being the dating app that promotes one-night stands.

This usually happens in the Western culture, or among those who are looking for fun while travelling. However, in our beloved Malaysia, while there are people who use it for fun, the majority of us use it to find “the love of our life” or to find common interest based friendships.

So, here’s a tip: if ever the profiles show a picture of celebrities, nature or something irrelevant, don’t bother swiping right. Chances are it’s a fake account, users are not willing to open up or they won’t even bother replying.

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There are few stages that go into navigating your way through this … Tinder thingy. They are called Pre, During and Post. Now I’m no expert, but consider yourself lucky that I’m going to break down the Do’s and Don’ts for you.

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Pre-Date

Congratulations! (If you have landed yourself an “It’s A Match!” notification).

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Do 

  • Be polite! Always be a gentleman (normally, it’s the men who should initiate a conversation.)
  • Hi, how are you?, Where are you from?, What do you do?” is an ancient way of greeting someone. Go with a bang! Try creating a conversation based on the description of your matches. If they have written nothing on their description, well shame on them! And it’s going to be tough luck to have that banging intro and keep the conversation going. Funny jokes are a plus point! (and oh God, no lame jokes please!)

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  • Be yourself, be natural. You don’t have to parcel yourself with that English accent all the way from London. If it’s Manglish, Manglish it is! Don’t overreact or over-act. Deep breath in, deep breath out … and just go with the flow.
  • Only ask for a date/coffee sessions after a few days of conversation. This gives time for both parties to feel comfortable with each other and develop that minimal trust. Speaking the truth about one’s self is a good thing, to gain trust.

Don’t

  • Don’t be rude or mean. Teasing is fine but don’t go overboard (however, this varies – depending on the individual’s sensitivity).

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  • Do not ask for their numbers, pictures or address. This is only encouraged once the other party is comfortable with you or after your “first date”. These details are considered private and sacred for most ladies. Until then, keep the conversation in Tinder itself.
  • Do not ask , “Why are you on Tinder?”. Again, it varies according to individuals but some guys may expect the ladies to mention hook-ups (all guys are hoping for this, for sure), friendships or dates. For guys, it’s OK to be asked, but for girls … the more questions asked, the more irritated they would get LOL!

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During Dates

Your first Tinder date is crucial because this is where both strangers meet for the first time. Your attitude, choice of clothing, appearance, personality play an important role here.

Do

  • The choice of place is usually the hardest thing to decide on. But, consider going to a spot with a cool vibe. That way if you run out of things to talk about, you can talk about how cool the place is. Which is better than sitting there awkwardly. If it’s some famous Mamak hangout, then why not? Of course, that depends on the individual’s preference/agreement if they are comfortable with it or not. Sometimes, it can also be because the Mamak is nearby her/his house.
  • It is polite to offer to pick the ladies up, however this is not encouraged because both of you are strangers and also due to safety reasons. But, this may change after your date and you could probably send him/her home. Trust is the key!

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  • If you are going on a Tinder date, you need to be confident. Don’t freak out about whether they are going to like you or not. They agreed to the meet-up so you are fine as is. They are probably just as nervous as you are.
  • If the date is going to be a drinking session, keep it low and be responsible. You wouldn’t want to be passing out, talking nonsense or doing inappropriate things on your date.

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Don’t

  • Don’t bother going on a date with someone miles away. That’s already a “fuck no”. Keep it close. This is one of those Tinder date tips you should seriously consider. Generally, LDR relationships simply do not work, especially if you both are strangers.
  • Would you like to go for a movie with me?” This is a NO! Don’t go to the movies on your first Tinder date. There’s no way you’ll be able to talk to each other. You might as well be the ultimate Tinder weirdo and Netflix and chill (you might be lucky too, you never know.)

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  • Be YOURSELF! Do not show off or overdo things. If you can’t afford a posh dining place it’s OK, a simple cafeteria or pub would do. If the other party is not OK with a simple choice of place, then ditch them before the date. You wouldn’t want someone who does not understand your situation. The are many accommodating Tinder matches out there!
  • Avoid talking about other matches or how many other Tinder dates you have lined up. That could make things very awkward.
  • If you are the first to arrive on your date, don’t have your back to the door. Your date is going to go around and probably awkwardly shoulder tap you and look for you. Keep your body language open and keep an eye on the door if you are the first to arrive. You could always wait outside as well, depending on the weather you’ve been graced with on the night of your Tinder date.
  • Most horror Tinder date stories I have heard of consisted of one person on the date having made up their mind to get knocked up or getting absolutely wasted. So it is best to get a cab to send your Match home, if she/he is wasted to due to unforeseen circumstances. DO NOT take advantage of the situation, that’s a NO-NO.

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Post-Date

Congratulations! If the date was successful and she left without pouring wine on your face, you’ve already made it past the “awkward” conversation stage where you try to figure out what your common interests are….

Do

  • Once the date is over, if she took the cab, be polite to offer her a ride home if she’s comfortable. Otherwise, only leave the place once she has entered the cab and departed.
  • If she has given or shared with you her number, another congratulations! Be sure to ask her to text you if she has reached home safely .|
  • Keep the conversation going once she/he reached home. Preferably until it’s time for bed.
  • Keep the conversation going for few days, then you may try your luck for (finally) a movie, or for more date nights.

Don’t

  • As a guy, do not leave the place first until the lady has left. Be a gentleman.
  • Totally NO phones at the table. This is rude, and it distracts you from your focus and conversations, indicating that the date is boring and not interesting. If it is, then it’s a hint to the opposite party.

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  • Don’t forcefully ask for their number. Be polite. It’s a plus point if the lady herself gives out her number without you asking.

If the date does not go well, it’s OK. Try and try again with better luck next time. At least by then, you would know what went wrong by analysing the previous dates.

If it goes well, then CONGRATULATIONS! You got yourself a pat on the back!

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Tips for men: Women say they want a nice guy, but being too nice could get you in the “friend-zone”. II’m not saying you should be a jerk, but maybe a playful one, but don’t go out of your way to please her or do everything for her. Don’t be too leading or dominant, make it equal. 

It’s true that Tinder at times could be really frustrating and sometimes users are time-wasters. But the positive side of it, is that it is an incredible way to meet people who you would otherwise never have encountered.

Be warm, interested and gracious in the face of rejection.

Now get swiping!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Charles Surendh David is a bearded man, and is too awesome to be written about in just a short paragraph. Bug him on Instagram.

4 thoughts on “It’s a Match! (Or Not) #Tindering101

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About Anything Lah!

This blog began with a dream to bring people closer together – to write about their thoughts, opinions and experiences ranging from ghost stories to relationships and to life lessons! If you have a story to share, write to us at askanythinglah@gmail.com.