V-Day Series: Top 5 Romantic Acts to Try For Valentines

Inspired by the editor’s robust & vibrant bedroom antics, I’m here to present you 5 romantic acts you and your beloved partner should indulge in this Valentine’s. Make it a literally unforgettable one.

Warning: Intense Romantic Vibes Ahead

On a serious note, if you’re easily disgusted or offended by adult terms, it’s not too late to turn around. By the way, these terms really exist in the world of sex and romance.

Second Warning: It’s Very Intense


Still here? OK. Read at your own risk.

Love Act #1: Wolfbagging
Do it like the wolves, except like no wolves ever intended

The romantic act where you have posterior penetration with a partner who has swallowed raw bacon (whole), tied to a piece of string which is left hanging out of the mouth. During the moment of peak pleasure, yank the bacon out of your partner which would induce vomiting. More importantly, it would also induce the posterior muscles to tighten for an unforgettable sensation that grips you.

Romantic factor: 5/5

wolfbaggingThis takes the term ‘hungry like the wolf’ to a whole new level.

Love Act #2: Mexican Pancake
Do pancakes like a Mexican, except like no Mexican ever intended

When your male partner climaxes all over your smile, allow his love protein to dry, then peel off the protein flakes to be consumed as a nutritious after-coital meal.

Romantic factor: 5/5

ed102283_0906_pancakes_horizBreakfast, my love?

Love Act #3: Cleveland Steamer
Do trains like a steamer from Cleveland, except like no train ever intended

Lay your partner down on a flat surface. Lovingly lower your bare posterior over your partner’s chest, but not enough to touch. You then pass great motion depositing plenty of organic gold on said partner, before sitting down (gently) and rocking back and forth like a steam roller. You could say that you’re spreading the love around.

Romantic factor: 5/5

8steamroller-poly-vWe leave the rest up to you.

Love Act #4: Flying Camel
Do it like how camels do, except like no camel ever intended

This romantic position starts off with a time-tested kneeling missionary style, where your partner is lovingly lying on her back and you’re making sweet love to her while on your knees. Spice things up by positioning yourself forward (while still inside her, don’t break that physical connection!) and proceed to flap your arms and make long shrieking howls like how a flying camel would.

Romantic factor: 5/5

smilecamel_1The face of satisfaction.

Love Act #5: Cold Lunch
You’ll love eating this cold lunch, except it tastes like no cold lunch ever intended

There are two romantic versions for this: one for him, and the other for her. Don’t want anyone to feel left out now, do we?

For him: While standing or seated, ask your bedmate for a mouthy-happy-feely-time performed on your phallic organ. While receiving said performance, feel free to projectile vomit all over your partner’s bobbing head for that refreshing blast of Cold Lunch.

For her: Get your male bedmate interested in a sucky-licky-enjoy-time to be performed on him. While giving said performance, feel free to challenge your limits by pushing the organ to the depths of your throat. Reach a point where your gag-reflexes kick in and projectile vomit all over your partner for that refreshing blast of Cold Lunch.

Romantic factor: 5/5

20151215_151048_1Cold lunches are in these days, for clean eating purposes. FYI.

Tell us which Love Acts you & your partner enjoyed the most. We’d love to hear from you!

This post was submitted anonymously, by someone who prefers to be known as Moldova Cake.

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About Anything Lah!

This blog began with a dream to bring people closer together – to write about their thoughts, opinions and experiences ranging from ghost stories to relationships and to life lessons! If you have a story to share, write to us at askanythinglah@gmail.com.